I think I got it now...

First of all, I want to say thank you to the lot of you. I've gotten supportive e-mails from a lot of people (some I didn't expect) and that really means a lot to me. I can't even begin to explain it.

I'm going to go through my day, and the revelation is at the end. Well, it came towards the end of the work day, but I really think I've figured it out. And it's with a lot of help from all of you.

I woke up at about 6:00am. I keep waking up earlier than that...which kind of sucks. But I was depressed last night, so I went to bed early. Wake up, and begin to with e-mails and IMs. I just started crying. I pretty much lost it. Find out that Dave still hasn't heard anything from the hosts and has no where to go. So I'm desperatly worried for him and scared and nervous.

Well, I clean myself up, clean around the house a bit, and then go eat breakfast. I ate fish. Yes, I did. It tasted...fishy. But it didn't smell bad, which was good. I really think it's the smell of things that turns me off. Hm. Interesting.

Anyway, I immediatly go outside, but I'm also desperatly searching for Anan-san to ask him if Dave can stay with us...I cannot find him to sve my life. I weed a little and then notice that there are several chickens wandering around outside their pen. I figure it's not suppossed to be like that. I go get Oka-san and say "chickens...out..." and point outside. I think she thought I was meaning to feed them, so she gave me scrap food in a bucket. Well, I figured it would work as a lure. After awhile, I got most of them (all except 2) back in their pen thing. Later, I got the other two in the main pen, but I couldn't get them in their specific pen. Oh, well.

So, I finally found Anan-san, but he was walking towards me looking...well, not good. I don't know exactly how to say it. Maybe concerned. He told me that Dave couldn't stay. And then laughed when I told him that Dave had no place to stay. I should've figured out how to say "procrastinator." He was like "Ashley, Bouken (that's where I'm staying). Dave, question?" It was quite funny. We laughed a little over that, and then he left, and I sobbed. I really could've used Dave here.

Well, time passes, about three hours, and I just sit there, weeding and sobbing. I really had no idea what to do. I mean, should I just give up and try to find a new host? And now I have to wait even longer to see Dave? (He arrives now on the 10th rather than tomorrow.) I start singing to myself because no one is out there. Anan-san leaves and says to me to take a break at 10. I say yes, but I know I'm not going to. I'm going to work my hardest until lunch time. It gets hot, so I do take about a 10 minutes breather, than go inside at some point to see what I could do there. Unfortuently, not really anything since I cleaned in the morning and the guests room was still in use.

The guests did give me some candy before they left this morning.

Anyway, I go back outside right as some new guests arrive. A man from Alabama and his Japanese wife. They live in Singapore and are holidaying in Hokkaido for a week. But I'm too depressed really to talk any. And I don't want to be "caught" taking such a long break. So, I go back to weeding. Only there for a little while when Anan-san comes back and says "break! lunch time!" and I go in to eat lunch.

I eat a small lunch with him...I actually DRANK raw egg. Yeah, that's right. It wasn't too bad either. Had it with my noodles. Was pretty good.

After lunch, I took about a five minute break and then went to go back outside, but Anan-san said "No! 13 more minutes!" So I went back inside because I was mid-conversation with Dad. We chatted for awhile, and here's where it starts to turn.

Tananka-san had come over to help cut firewood and do...whatever it is Tanaka-san comes over to do. I went back to picking weeds. Then, I get to thinking. I need to change my attitude. It's not that these people need to adjust to me, I'm at their house, sleeping in their house, helping them, I need to adjust to them.

Isn't tht why I'm here in the first place! Not just to have fun, but to learn! I need to shift my paradigm, shift my way of thinking. I need to look at everything as a challenge. I can't just say "Oh, they don't like me." I have to keep trying. Keep working my best. Keep talking to them. I mean, there are going to be people in life (especially in my job) that don't like me. And I can't just ignore them or not do anything with/for them! I have to adjust!

And  then Anan-san called me over to cut firewood. "2 pieces!" He said. Well, I suck at cutting firewood, but Tanaka-san and he stood back and watched. We all laughed at me. Then Anan-san said "Go get your camera!" Well, actually, he just said "camera" with a japanese accent and made the motion of taking a picture. So, I went and got it. Tanaka-san wouldn't stand for a picture or take one, so I went back to picking weeds for about 2 minutes before Anan-san called me over again and climbed all over firewood to take pictures of me cutting wood. He got some of Tanaka-san too. He is much better than me at cutting wood. Oh, and I actually cut 3 pieces.

Then, I went back to picking weeds, having about an hour left of work. Tanaka-san left, came back because he forgot his shoes, left again. When he left the first time, I went over to Anan-san, who I think thought I would leave because Dave couldn't stay here. And I said "Ano, Anan-san...Watashi no tomodachi koko not stay/work, demo watashi wa koko stay/work." (Um, Anan-san...My friend not stay/work here, but I stay work/here) Yeah, that's Japanglish right there. He was like "Daijobu?" (Is that alright?) And I said "Yes." And he smiled.

I also take it as a good sign that when the American guest asked me a question, I said "Hai," first instead of "yes."

I picked a whole lot of weeds. Then Oka-san came over and she took a picture of me working and said "10 minutes left of work!" and stood for a picture of her own. Well, I figured this was a good sign. She can at least talk to me.

So, I came inside and she told me to get a bike and go ride it outside. So, I did. But it was broked. So, Anan-san fixed it, and I cleaned it. Then, I took off. I couldn't remember which side of the road to ride on, so I was an idiot for a little while until I remembered my bike rules. Rode around, went to a 7-11 (which doesn't hide its pornography, I can tell you that; nor is it called 7-11). I got this ice-cream...but it's dry! It's really cool! And really tasty! And I got this drink called "Pictori Sweat" or something like that. Basically, it's gatorade, but it looks like water! It's pretty awesome.

I got back and asked Oka-san where I could study. So I study in the restuarant since no one was there. Practiced my hiragana. Then, she came and told me to shower while the guests ate. I did, then went in the kitchen and started practicing my writing again. Anan-san and Oka-san both watched me writing and helped with some words. They asked me some questions about what stuff was in Japanese and I failed, but I tried. Then, I ate lamb. And the muscle/fat on the lamb. Both of which I hate. And it wasn't too bad. Then, I pulled out the flash cards. (Glad I got those to fit in my luggage!)

Yes, my giant stack of them. That went over well with Anan-san and Oka-san. We were quizzing each other with them. Anan-san's English is hilarious. "work" and...something else are the funniest.

Oka-san told me, "If you have questions about Japanese, ask Oka-san." She smiled and nodded, so I took that as a good sign also. See, I did it. Dad and Dave were right. Go figure.

So, now I'm in bed, well, getting there. I'm going to do some reading/writing, and something for school then hit the sack, I guess.

Japan has some crazy freakin' bugs. No joke. They're huge. And gross. And sometimes on my bed. Eek!

I also got bit by mosquitos...I hope they're not the ones that carry that disease that I didn't get a shot for. That would suck. And be very ironic.

I also apologize for the length of this. Some of you, I need to go e-mail back now!

P.S. I turn 19 in 25 days. Anan-san turns "20" in 6 days. And only children drink juice (or something other than tea or water or o-sake) during dinner. Oh, well. I'm a child.

Here's the revalation, by the way. You read all that for this:
It's privacy that's the biggest difference. See, when I want to study, I go to my room. When I want to go on the computer, I go to my room. The Japanese don't have tht privacy. They go to their room to sleep, that's it. So, I have to get around that. I have to do everything NOT in my room. But, the problem was, I would go to my room because that's where I could contact all of you! In my loneliness, I hid, and the Japanese don't like that. Well, they're not used to it.

That's it.

I think also that Oka-san may have called the people coming from Hong Kong backwards. I'm going to pretend she did to make myself feel better.

Also, riding the bike made me realize how out of shape I am. And I wrote a lot of this blog in my head when I was gardening. How sad.